


I'll Stand Alone if I Have To (But I'd Rather Stand by You)

by ThePackWantstheD



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - Childhood Friends, Breaking Up & Making Up, Canon Rewrite, First Kiss, Fluff and Angst, Growing Up, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-22
Updated: 2017-10-25
Packaged: 2019-01-21 05:24:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 8,421
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12450504
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThePackWantstheD/pseuds/ThePackWantstheD
Summary: The story of Ushijima Wakatoshi and Hinata Shouyou told in twelve parts.





	1. Chapter 1

**part one:** there's something about childhood friends that can't be replaced

 **one.** apples and oranges  
"Himari!"

Ushijima had been looking at the stack of apples in front of him, raised up on his tip toes with his fingers wrapped around the edge of the display for a little extra leverage, when he heard his mother shout.

Not realizing it wasn't him she was shouting at, he jumped back from the display only to find she wasn't even looking at him. Instead her attention was focused further down the aisle that they were on. He looked in that direction to find that at his mother's shout another woman in the story had looked over at them.

The woman was smaller than his mother was, both in her height and her waist. There was a softness in the roundness of her face and a gentle look in her brown eyes. Her hair only fell to her shoulders, but it was a bright orange color that Ushijima hadn't seen before. She was wearing dark blue jeans with a loose, pale pink sweater.

"Akari?" the woman said. A small smile settled over her lips. "I wasn't expecting to bump into you here!"

"I wasn't expecting to see you either!" Ushijima's mother exclaimed. She pushed their grocery cart towards the woman. Ushijima cast a glance at the apples before following her. Maybe she'd let him get one after she finished talking. "I thought you and Touma were living in Tokyo!"

"We moved here recently," the woman, Himari, said. "We've been talking about having another child and we thought it might be nice to be closer to our parents."

"Another? You have a little boy, right?"

"Yes," Himari answered, nodding a bit. She shifted a bit, moving so they could see the little boy sitting in the cart. He was small. He had the same warm brown eyes and bright orange hair as his mother, though. A bright, wide smile rested on his lips. "His name is Shouyou."

"That's a great name," his mother said. She bent down a little bit, smiling and waving at the little boy. "Hi, Shouyou."

"Hi!" the boy said, his voice practically a chirp.

"He's talking already?" his mother asked, glancing at Himari.

"Oh yes. I know he's small, but Shouyou is actually four," Himari said.

"Oh! I'm so sorry!"

"It's not a problem," Himari dismissed, waving her hand in front of her. "You're hardly the first person to think he's younger than he is."

His mother gave a soft hum. After a moment, she said, "He's four you said?"

"Yup."

"My son's six," she said. She looked at Ushijima, making a gesture for him to step closer. "Come here, Ushijima." He hesitated for a moment, but he'd been taught to obey his parents so after a moment he stepped closer to the women. "This is Himari. She's a friend of mommy's from university."

Ushijima held his hand up, giving a small wave. "Hello."

"Hello," Himari greeted, her smile widening. "It's very nice to meet you, Ushijima."

"It's nice to meet you too," Ushijima said.

"Maybe we can set up a playdate sometime?" his mother suggested, drawing Himari's gaze backup to her. "I know two years can seem like a lot at this age, but the boys could play while we caught up."

"Oh, I'd love that!" Himari said. She hummed a bit before saying, "Actually, if you're not too busy I was going to take Shouyou to the park for a little bit after this. Maybe you and Ushijima would like to come?"

"That sounds nice." His mother looked down at Ushijima, asking, "Would you like that, Ushijima? Going to the park to play with Shouyou?" Ushijima thought about it for a moment before nodding. She looked back at Himari, "We'll join you then!"

"Great! I didn't come here for very much, so it should only be a few minutes before I'm done shopping."

"I've got a few more things to pick up too, why don't we join you? That way we can all leave together afterwards."

"That sounds great," Himari agreed.

"Mom," Ushijima said, grabbing onto her pants to get her attention. When she was looking at him again, he said, "Can I get my snack now?"

"Oh! Yes, of course sweetie," she said. "I'm sorry. You wanted an apple, right?"

Ushijima thought about it for a moment. The apples had looked good, but... He glanced at the young boy sitting in the front seat of Himari's cart.

"An orange please," Ushijima said. He added, "And one for Shouyou too.

 

  
**two.** one, two, three play with me  
"Toshi," Hinata whined.

Ushijima scooped the volleyball up from where it'd landed by his feet before turning to his friend. "What, Shouyou?"

"I don't wanna play volleyball anymore," Hinata said. "I never do it right. It's not fun."

Ushijima looked down at the volleyball in his hand, considering. He loved playing volleyball, but Hinata didn't really like playing. He'd even come with Ushijima to his junior practices before, but the other kids made fun of him for how short he was and insisted he couldn't play. Ushijima had tried to stand up for him, but Hinata had been discouraged by the words. Regardless of how much Hinata disliked volleyball, he'd become Ushijima's best friend in the two years they'd known each other. Ushijima had other friends he could play volleyball with.

"Okay," Ushijima said. "We don't have to play volleyball anymore."

"Yes!" Hinata cheered.

"What do you want to play instead?"

Hinata hummed, considering.

Ushijima waited patiently. He'd gotten used to this in the time they'd known each other. Hinata always seemed to be thinking about a hundred different things, so it sometimes took him a minute to figure out which of those things he wanted to do.

"Tag!" Hinata said at last. "Let's play tag!"

Tag wasn't Ushijima's favorite game. Hinata always had so much energy. Sometimes they'd spend ages running around playing and Hinata wouldn't even look a little bit exhausted. Still Ushijima was older than Hinata which meant it was his job to take of his friend and make sure he was happy.

"Okay," Ushijima agreed, nodding. "Do you want to be it first?"

"Sure!" Hinata said. Before Ushijima could say anything else, a wide grin came over Hinata's face. He leaned over, smacking his hand against Ushijima's shoulder. He shouted, "You're it!" before he tore past him.

Ushijima stared at the spot where Hinata had been standing only moments before. He blinked several times, trying to process what had just happened. He probably should have expected something like this. Hinata preferred being chased to being "It" when they played tag, but it still came as a surprise.

When the events registered in his head, he turned on his heel and chased after Hinata.

 

  
**three.** sleepless sleepovers are the best kind  
"Boys, didn't we tell you to go to sleep an hour ago?"

Ushijima had been directly Hinata through the puzzle in the video game he was playing, but he looked away from the screen to find Touma, Hinata's father, standing in the doorway of the bedroom. He was a short man with brown hair, a light color that probably had it easier for Hinata to inherit his mother's more eccentric one, and the same light brown eyes as his wife and son. He was standing with his hands on his hips. Despite his words, there was no anger in his voice or face. Just an amused smile.

"We'll go to sleep as soon as we beat this dungeon," Hinata said. He didn't look away from the screen, biting his lip in concentration as he threw their character at the wave of approaching monsters. Ushijima bit back the urge to sigh. It helped that Hinata had actually listened to him and saved not too long ago.

Ushijima didn't particularly care about the game, but Hinata had been having trouble with the dungeons and asked for help.

That wasn't exactly unusual for them. At eight and ten, they'd known each other for four years and they knew each other’s personalities and how to interact with each other. Hinata was loud and energetic. He didn't hesitate to tell people what he wanted or to go after it. Ushijima was quieter, more subdued. He didn't have any problem with expressing himself, but he also didn't feel the need to do it the way that Hinata did. Ushijima liked spending time with Hinata, so he went along with what he wanted and Hinata knew that Ushijima didn't mind helping him with things so he never hesitated to ask Ushijima to do something with him.

Touma hummed, glancing at the screen. He watched Hinata play for a moment before saying, "It's the weekend so you can have another hour, but the next time I come in here the two of you are going to sleep. Agreed?"

"Okay," Hinata said.

Ushijima had stayed at the Hinata's house enough times to know that while Touma would come to check up on them in an hour, he wasn't likely to force them to go to sleep. On weekends when Ushijima stayed over, they tended to let the boys do what they wanted. The two of them never stayed up very late regardless, exhaustion getting the better of them only two or three hours after their bedtime.

"'Toshi," Hinata said. Ushijima looked away from Touma and back at the screen. Hinata had gotten back to the part that they'd been at before their last death. "What do we do now?"

Distantly Ushijima heard footsteps as Touma left the doorway, but he was too busy looking at the room Hinata had entered.

After a moment, he said, "We have to get to the other rooms, so I think we use that thing to turn the staircase."

"Oh, I see," Hinata said. He hummed a bit, moving their character towards the thing Ushijima had been talking about. "Ooh! Okay, so I'll see if I can get into that door over there then...."

 

 

 

 

 

 **part two:** the first time you fall in love

 **four.** when crows fly  
Ushijima had just gotten back from volleyball practice and settled in at his desk to work on practice questions for his high school entrance exams, when his bedroom door slammed open.

"Toshi! Toshi!" Hinata shouted. Even in his first year of middle school, he rarely used Ushijima's full name. Ushijima didn't mind it. He never really had. "Teach me how to play volleyball!"

Ushijima was so thrown off by the request that all he could think to say was, "What?"

He'd tried to teach Hinata how to play when they young, but Hinata hadn't enjoyed it so Ushijima had dropped it after a while. It'd sucked a little bit when he was little since he wanted his best friend to enjoy everything he did, but as they'd grown up it had become a bit of a relief that Hinata didn't like volleyball. Ushijima had fun during practices and matches, still genuinely enjoyed volleyball, but sometimes it was nice to know that he could go see Hinata and get a break from all of that.

"I was on my way home from school yesterday and there was a volleyball match on!" Hinata exclaimed. As he crossed the room, Ushijima was struck by how Hinata's eyes seemed to be a glittering molten gold. He seemed to be practically vibrating with excitement. "This guy was so cool, Toshi! He was small like me and he was playing against all of these guys that were even bigger than you! But he just.. _.flew_ and slammed the ball right down behind them! It was so cool! I want to be like him!" Reaching Ushijima, Hinata reached out and slammed his hands down on Ushijima's shoulders. Ushijima jumped a bit, not because Hinata had been particularly forceful but because he hadn't been expecting it. "So please teach me, 'Toshi!"

Ushijima was quiet for a moment. Not because he didn't want to do it or needed to think about it, but because this entire situation was catching him off guard. He had never seen Hinata look so frighteningly determined. It was like he was going to learn volleyball and he was ready to tear anyone who tried to stop him apart.

"Okay," Ushijima said, because he honestly didn't mind. Yes, he'd enjoyed that time with Hinata meant a break from volleyball. But he was, generally, just happy to be around Hinata and the idea of finally getting to share his favorite thing with his favorite person was appealing.

"Yes!" Hinata exclaimed, jumping up and pumping his fist up into the air. "Alright! Let's go! We can do it in your backyard, right? You have a net up."

"We can," Ushijima agreed. As Hinata turned to run out, Ushijima reached out and snagged the back of his shirt. He squeaked a bit as he tried to move before looking over his shoulder. "I have to finish these exam questions first."

"Uggggggh," Hinata groaned, dragging the sound out. "But 'Toshi!!"

Ushijima didn't budge. He shook his head. "Not until I finish these." Hinata groaned again. Before he could argue, Ushijima added, "You should sit down and do your homework while I'm working. I'll help you with it."

"I don't want to do my homework," Hinata whined. "I want to play volleyball."

"If you do your homework now, we can play volleyball longer," Ushijima bargained.

Hinata was quiet for a minute, seemingly considering the deal. After a moment, he said, "That's fine I guess. I don't think I can do my math homework without help anyway."

Ushijima hummed as he let go of Hinata's shirt. "Grab your chair out of the closet and get it out. I'll get you started before I work on mine."

Hinata spent so much time at his house that Ushijima's parents had bought him an extra desk chair for when he helped Hinata with his homework. He kept it in the closet whenever Hinata wasn't around.

"Okay," Hinata said. As he crossed the room, having spent so much time in Ushijima's room that he was as comfortable as it as he was in his own, he said, "Thank you, Toshi!"

Ushijima was a little surprised. Hinata rarely thanked him so genuinely for helping with his homework, mostly because Hinata hated doing it so much. "For helping with your homework?"

"Well, yeah I guess," Hinata answered. "Mostly for agreeing to teach me how to play volleyball."

 

  
**five.** waiting was worth you  
"Toshi," Hinata said.

Ushijima had been looking down at his homework, but the uncharacteristically soft tone Hinata was using had him looking up before he finished his problem. Doing their homework before playing volleyball had become their normal routine on the afternoons that Hinata came over. It meant that the two of them could practice as long as they wanted, which was usually all night with Hinata, without their parents interrupting them.

"What?" Ushijima asked.

"Can I..." Hinata hesitated a bit.

Ushijima's eyebrows furrowed. Hesitance was not something that Hinata was very familiar with. "Can you what?"

"Can I try something?" Hinata asked. He shifted, bringing himself closer to Ushijima. "Please?"

"Yes?" Ushijima answered.

He wasn't entirely certain what was going on, but he started to get an idea when Hinata moved even closer. So, when Hinata closed the gap between them, his lips pressing against Ushijima's, it wasn't a complete surprise.

A first year in high school, Ushijima had heard plenty of conversations between his classmates about crushes and girlfriends. He'd realized sometime in middle school that he wasn't interested in girls the way his classmates where. He knew he was more concerned with his teammates thigh muscles than he was the skin shown when a female classmate's skirt flared a bit too high.

Most of all, he'd known that he was more concerned with Hinata than he was any other person he knew.

He didn't dwell on it though. Hinata was too years younger than him and when Ushijima realized his feelings weren’t so platonic he was sure Hinata hadn't even started to consider things like that. Even as they grew older, Ushijima had been unconcerned with whether or not Hinata felt the same. The most important thing to him had always been just to make sure Hinata was happy, regardless of what their relationship was.

The kiss was quick, simple thing. Nothing more than a quick peck, but it was enough for Ushijima to realize how soft Hinata's lips were.

Hinata pulled away from the kiss. His cheeks flushed a light, pretty pink. It clashed terribly with his hair, but Ushijima found it incredibly endearing.

"Was that..." Hinata's tongue darted out, swiping across his lips and wetting them. "Was that okay?"

"Yes," Ushijima answered. "We should do it again."

A spark lit in Hinata's eyes. "Really? You want too?"

"Yes," Ushijima said. He leaned forward a bit, taking the initiative instead of waiting for Hinata to move in again. Before closing the gap between them, he added, "Only if you want to do it again too though."

"I do!"

Before Ushijima could respond, Hinata was leaning forward and catching his lips.

When Ushijima parted his lips, Hinata did the same. It was clumsy at first, neither of them had ever kissed anyone before, but after a moment they got the hang of it.

This time when they pulled apart, neither of them moved very far.

"We have to do our homework," Ushijima said, voice dropped so it was almost a whisper.

"I don't wanna," Hinata argued. He leaned forward. Ushijima didn't move away from the kiss until a few seconds had passed. Hinata whined, "Toshi."

"Homework," Ushijima insisted. "We can kiss afterwards."

"We're supposed to play volleyball afterwards," Hinata said.

With Ushijima in Shiratorizawa's dorms now, Hinata was even more insistent on practicing volleyball when he was home on the weekends.

"You can come over tomorrow and we'll play volleyball then."

Hinata hummed before saying, "But I'm going to want to kiss you tomorrow too."

 

  
**six.** the sound of your future shattering  
"Hinata," Ushijima said, trying to keep his voice firm. It was hard to do when Hinata was wrapped around him the way he was. "I have to finish reading this."

"Read it after I leave," Hinata said.

The two of them were sitting on Ushijima's bed. Ushijima was sat with his back against his headboard, the English book he had to read for class in his hands. Hinata had settled himself in Ushijima's lap, wrapping his arms around him and tucking his face into his neck.

At first Hinata had been content with just sitting there while Ushijima read, but now he was nuzzling against Ushijima in a clear attempt to get his attention.

"You aren't leaving until tomorrow," Ushijima said. Now in his second year, he'd been spending fewer weekends at home than he had been before. So Hinata had taken to spending the night at least once every time Ushijima was home. No one really minded. Ushijima liked having him around and Ushijima's mother had never minded Hinata visiting.

"Doesn't matter," Hinata said. He didn't move away when he spoke, so his breath ghosted across Ushijima's neck and sent a shiver down his spine. He reached up so he could grab onto the strands of hair at the base of Ushijima's neck, tugging lightly to get more attention. "Let's go outside and practice a bit. I wanna work on my serves."

Ushijima hummed.

Ushijima had tried his best to help Hinata learn volleyball, but the fact of the matter was that Hinata didn't want to be a setter which made it hard for Ushijima to help him. Ushijima knew how to set to help Hinata, but he couldn't set and show Hinata how to spike at the same time. Receiving was difficult with only two of them since they could only do basic volleys and blocking was almost impossible.

Serving was something Ushijima could help with, but he wasn't exactly the greatest teacher. They'd at least gotten to the point where _most_  of Hinata's serves at least went over the net.

Still, Ushijima was comfortable with how they were sitting and getting up to play wasn't the most appealing idea.

"Later," Ushijima said. "I have to finish this."

Hinata groaned a bit. He wiggled so he was pressed even closer to Ushijima. "Lame."

Ushijima hummed a bit. He didn't really want Hinata to move, but he wasn't ever going to get through his chapter if Hinata didn't find something to do. He moved his leg a bit to catch Hinata's attention, before saying, "Why don't you study a bit? You're going to have to prepare for Shiratorizawa's entrance exam. You won't get lucky and pass it."

"I'm not applying to Shiratorizawa."

Ushijima stilled. "What?"

They'd talked about it before when Ushijima had been applying to high school.

At the time, Hinata had seemed excited by the idea that they could finally go to school together. Ushijima had helped Hinata study for Shiratorizawa's Junior High exam, but Hinata had gotten intimidated by everyone else taking the exam and completely blanked out. They hadn't talked specifically about Shiratorizawa's entrance exam this time, but Hinata had asked for help a few times so Ushijima had assumed that was still the plan.

"I'm not applying to Shiratorizawa," Hinata repeated. He must have sensed something was wrong because he drew away from Ushijima so he could look him in the eye. "I'm trying to get into Karasuno."

Ushijima stared at him. "Why?"

"That's where the Little Giant played," Hinata said. "And I want to play on the team he played for more than anything else."

 

  
**six and a half:** reconciliation has to be intentional  
Finding out that Hinata would rather play volleyball at Karasuno because of a man that he'd never met than go to Shiratorizawa to play volleyball with him hurt

Neither of them were angry people, but that day they both got upset.

Having never had a serious fight with each other before, they hurled a decade's worth of insults at each other.

Having never been in serious fights with _anyone_  before, they didn't know when to stop.

Hinata left that night instead of staying over.

Ushijima's mother had surely heard them screaming at each other, but after he stormed out she came upstairs and asked Ushijima what had happened. He told her he didn't want to talk about it.

He didn't talk to Shouyou that night.

Or the next day.

Or the day after that.

The problem was that even when one factored out their pride, neither of them knew how to apologize and start making up for what they had said.


	2. Chapter 2

**part four:** a little bitter, but mostly missing you

 **seven.** mother knows best  
"So I was talking to Himari the other day," his mother began.

Ushijima sat across from her at the dinner table.

Now days, he was spending less time at home than ever. It wasn't that he didn't love his mother, he did, but that he didn't like being in the house as much anymore. He'd been friends with Shouyou for over a decade and the house was crawling in memories of him. It was too much to be here constantly. He preferred being at Shiratorizawa, surrounded by Tendou and Reon who were completely different people than the boy he'd spent his entire childhood with.

Still, his mother insisted that he come back at least one a month. He didn't have to stay the entire weekend if he didn't want to, but he had to at least sit down and eat dinner with her.

"Oh," Ushijima said.

"She told me that Shouyou got accepted to Karasuno," she said. He pushed the meat on his plate around a bit, trying to decide if he'd eaten enough. Being at home wasn't a reason to slack off on the team's diet plan, but Ushijima suddenly didn't feel very hungry. "Apparently he's pretty excited about it."

"Yeah," Ushijima said. Going to Karasuno was important to Hinata, so it wasn't very surprising that he was excited about getting accepted. Deciding that going off his diet plan for one day wouldn't hurt, especially considering Tendou was in good shape and he never seemed to listen to it, he said, "I'm done. May I be excused?"

His mother was quiet for a moment before she sighed. "Wakatoshi..."

"I don't want to talk about it."

"You didn't want to talk about it a few months ago either," she said. There was something in her voice, an uncharacteristic steel, that made it obvious he wasn't going to be able to dismiss this again. They were talking about this, regardless of whether Ushijima wanted to or not. "I let that go because I thought you two would get over it, but the school year is almost over and the two of you still aren't talking."

"Telling you what happened isn't going to make it better."

"Maybe you two won't magically make-up, but I bet talking about it will make you feel better," she answered. Before he could respond, she added, "And even if it doesn't make you feel better, it will at least help me understand why you're no longer talking to the boy you're in love with."

Ushijima felt a jolt of surprise. He'd been staring at his plate, knowing it was rude but not quite able to meet her eye during this conversation, but now he looked up at her. "You knew?"

"I _know_ ," she corrected.

"How did-" he paused.

His mother picked up where he'd left off, "I didn't know you were attracted to boys, but I know what the men in this family look like when they're in love so it wasn't hard to notice." There was a silent moment before she added, "Even if I didn't know that, you weren't exactly subtle Wakatoshi. You spent almost every weekend here so that you could see him and you were always wrapped around each other."

"O-Oh..."

"Uh huh." She said, "Now will you please tell me what happened?"

Ushijima was quiet for a moment, considering what she'd said. It was true that talking to her wouldn't fix things between him and Hinata, but it was also true that he hadn't told anyone what had happened. Some of his teammates had made fun of him in the immediate after math - saying that he was grouchier than usual and asking if he'd gotten dumped - but he'd ignored them until they'd gotten sick of the jokes. The wound didn't feel as fresh anymore, but it still hurt to think about Hinata. Maybe if he explained and talked things over with his mother it would start to hurt less.

"...Okay," Ushijima agreed. "I'll tell you what happened."

Before he could say anything else, she said, "I know I said I wanted to know, but how about we clear the plates first? Then I'll make us some hot chocolate."

"It's not cold outside."

"No," she said, a small smile on her face. "But chocolate makes the heartbreaks a little better."

 

  
 **eight.** rumors  
Ushijima was sitting on the bed in his dorm room, his legs pulled up so he could rest his math text book on his knees as he looked through it, when the door swung open.

"Ushijima! Guess what I heard!" Tendou shouted as he burst in.

"Too loud," Ushijima told him, not bothering too look up from the problem he was focused on.

Most students at Shiratorizawa had the same roommate for the entire time they were at the school, but Tendou and Ushijima hadn't started rooming together until their third year started. Ushijima had had a single for the past two years, but Tendou had had multiple roommates the past two years. He kept driving the other students to the point of actual complaints. So the head of their dormitories had approached the coach to ask if anyone on the team would be able to deal with Tendou because he caused too many problems when rooming with the general population and if they couldn't find a solution he wasn't going to be allowed back in the dorms. Coach Washijō had, predictably, passed the responsibility off to Coach Saitou with instructions to make sure their best blocker didn't get kicked off campus. Saitou had approached Semi first, but Semi had only barely kept himself from laughing in their coach's face. Which led to Coach Saitou asking Ushijima if he'd be willing to give up his single and room with Tendou.

Keeping Tendou on campus was vital to the success of the team, so Ushijima didn't mind giving up his single. It helped that Ushijima liked Tendou. He considered the middle blocker one of his closest friends, probably his best friend nowadays, and after dealing with Hinata for so many years he was used to fast talking, energetic personalities.

"Ushijima!" Tendou repeated, voice lower but only barely. Ushijima sighed, knowing that was the best he was going to get with Tendou. The redhead threw himself onto Ushijima's bed, sprawling out on his back with his head hanging off the side. "Guess what I heard!"

Ushijima hummed, letting Tendou know he was paying attention.

"Seijou lost a practice match," Tendou said. Ushijima hummed again, not quite interested. If Oikawa wanted to win, then he should've come to Shiratorizawa like Ushijima had told him. "And apparently it wasn't even another powerhouse school." Another hum. Slightly more interesting, because while Seijou was never going to be able to beat Shiratorizawa they were a good team and they shouldn't have lost easily to some school that no one had heard of. "I think the name of it was...Karasuno? Yes! Definitely Karasuno."

Ushijima's fingers tightened around his text book. He looked away from his problem and up at his roommate, "What?"

"Do you know them?" Tendou asked. He twisted his body so he was looking at Ushijima, still hanging off the bed.

"Yes," Ushijima said. "Where did you hear this?"

"Yamagata heard it from a friend of his," Tendou said.

"Did you hear anything else about it?"

"Only that Oikawa had an appointment and wasn't at the match the entire time," Tendou said. He explained, "Yamagata's friend wasn't there. His friend just heard about it from a friend that's one of Seijou's reserve members.

"Oh." Ushijima forced himself to look back down at his book.

A moment ago the numbers had made sense, but now they seemed to be swimming in front of his eyes. All he could think about was sitting in his bedroom with Hinata and finding out that he'd decided to go to Karasuno so he could play on the team as the Little Giant rather than even attempting to go to school with Ushijima.

"Ushi?" Tendou said, drawing attention back to him. He'd pulled himself up so he was sitting cross-legged on the bed, holding his ankles and bracing himself down on them as he leaned towards Ushijima. There was an uncharacteristically concerned look on his face. "Are you okay? Is something wrong?"

"I'm fine," Ushijima said. He looked down at his textbook before closing it and setting it aside, deciding there was no way he was going to get the problems he was looking at done. "Do you knew where Semi is?"

"In his room probably?" Tendou said. "It's late enough that he's more likely to be finishing his homework than in the gym."

"I'm going to get ask him to set for me," Ushijima said.

"Oh! I'll come," Tendou said. He rolled off the side of the bed, managing to catch himself on his feet before he tumbled over completely. "Blocking your spikes are more fun than science." Ushijima glanced at him as they made their way towards the door. Tendou waved a hand dismissively, "I know, I know. I'll get it done, I swear."

Ushijima just hummed.

He supposed there wasn't any harm in Tendou practicing with him and Semi as long as he did his work once they got back.

 

  
 **nine.** i asked about you today  
"I'm going to crush you today," Oikawa said. He had his head cocked just a bit, his voice filled with every ounce of frustration he felt. Ushijima thought it was a little ridiculous. Oikawa wouldn't have to worry so much about beating Shiratorizawa if he'd just _joined_  Shiratorizawa like Ushijima had told him to. "You'd better be prepared, Ushiwaka."

"Stop calling me that, Oikawa," Ushijima said. He knew he always looked pretty serious before matches, but now his lips settled into a heavy frown.

"Mmm or not," Oikawa answered.

Ushijima's frown deepened.

The ref blew his whistle, gesturing between them. "Shake hands."

They reached out, gripping each other's hands. Oikawa's grip was a little too tight. Ushijima's frown deepened. He _really_  didn't understand why Oikawa was like this.

He'd never said it to either of them, they weren't exactly having friendly conversations when they saw each other, but sometimes he wondered how Iwaizumi had put up with him for so many years. Despite the way everything had turned out, Ushijima really felt like he'd lucked out as far as childhood friends went. Hinata had been a handful, but he thought Oikawa definitely had to be worse. And Iwaizumi and Oikawa had gone to the same school for their entire lives, so Iwaizumi hadn't even gotten that break from him.

When Oikawa went to pull away, Ushijima tightened his own grip. Oikawa looked at their clasped hands, his eyebrows furrowing. He didn't want to keep the game from starting, but he wanted to ask about...

"Karasuno's number ten," Ushijima started.

"Shorty?" Oikawa's eyebrows furrowed further, confusion settling across his face. "What about him?"

Ushijima opened his mouth, only for nothing to come out.

What was he even going to say?

Was he really going to ask _Oikawa_  what he knew about Hinata?

Oikawa had spoken to Hinata more than Ushijima had this year, but he was sure that Oikawa's knowledge was limited to volleyball. He wouldn't know if the chemistry between Hinata and his setter, something Ushijima had only glimpsed for a moment, was something more than just friendship. He wouldn't know if Hinata had made friends at Karasuno, if he was happy there. He wouldn't know Hinata thought going to Karasuno was worth it.

"Never mind," Ushijima said. He dropped Oikawa's hand. "Sorry."

He stared at Ushijima for a minute before putting his hands on his hips. "We're not going to go easy on you just because you're sick."

"I'm not sick," Ushijima objected.

"Then you've gotten even weirder since the last time we talked, Ushiwaka," Oikawa said. He spun on his foot, heading back towards his team. Most of the team stood back, but Iwaizumi was waiting for him close to the sidelines. Ushijima knew it never would have happened given how good of a blocker Tendou was, but he wondered briefly if Hinata would do the same if they played for the same team. "And that's something that I never thought possible."

Ushijima felt a little offended that _Oikawa_  of all people was calling him strange. He didn't think he was any worse than the setter was.

The conversation was clearly over, though, so Ushijima turned and made his way back to the court.

"That took longer than usual," Tendou remarked as Ushijima reached the team.

Still frowning, Ushijima said, "Oikawa called me weird."

"You are," Tendou said, wrapping an arm around Ushijima's shoulders. Before Ushijima could feel offended, he added, "But Oikawa legitimately believes that the American's are hiding an alien encounter, so I don't think you need to be too concerned about what he finds weird."

 

 

 

 

  
 **part five:** here comes the sun

 **ten.** missing sunshine  
"Isn't that were Ushiwaka goes?"

Ushijima hadn't really been paying attention as he jogged, but the voice was familiar enough, catching his attention despite the fact that his head was swimming with thoughts about his classes earlier. Hearing someone he knew in conjunction with Oikawa's insufferable nickname was enough for him to stop and turn towards the speaker.

"Do you need something from me?" he asked as he turned.

He wasn't expecting to find himself staring at Hinata. There was another boy next to him, someone vaguely familiar that Ushijima couldn't quite come up with a name for, but Ushijima's attention was focused entirely on Hinata.

Hinata was still short, but it'd been a year since they'd seen each other and it looked like he'd grown a few more inches since than. He was still slim, but Ushijima could tell that he'd bulked up a little bit and gained some muscle. His hair was still the same nest of bright orange. His eyes were still the same molten-brown gold.

Standing in front of him now, it felt like every time he'd missed Hinata over the past year was hitting him all at once and with a hundred times more force than it had the first time.

Hinata was quiet for a moment then he squeaked, voice loud, "Japan!"

Ushijima's eyebrows furrowed for a moment. Hinata's mind had always worked in ways that Ushijima's didn't. At one point Ushijima had gotten very good at figuring out what Hinata was saying, even on the occasions when Hinata got so excited he was speaking in nothing but squeaks and sound effects, but he was out of practice.

Still, it only took a few seconds longer than it would have when they were children for Ushijima to realize that Hinata must have read the article that'd been put out about him a while ago. Ushijima hadn't read it, hadn't seen a point when it was about _him_ , but Tendou had waved it around their dorm and quoting it whenever there was even a vague connection. It'd made mention of him joining Japan's U-19 team as well as how he was the third ranked spiker in the country. Both were things that Hinata wouldn't have known otherwise given how long it'd been since they'd talked.

Ushijima searched for something to say, but after so long he had no idea what he was supposed to say.

It'd been _so long_  and there was so much he wanted to ask Hinata. He wanted to say sorry for everything he'd said and ask if Hinata missed him as much as he missed him. He wanted to tell Hinata that he still loved him because going to separate schools would never change that and ask if Hinata still felt the same. He wanted to ask Hinata about the past year, about Karasuno and volleyball and everything else going on in his life.

None of that seemed like the thing to say when they were standing on the sidewalk, especially not with Hinata's setter right there.

Before Ushijima could make up his mind, whether to just come out with what he wanted to say or to ask Hinata to meet him somewhere else later, the pedestrian light flipped to walking.

Instead of saying either thing, he chickened out.

"If you don't need anything, then I'll be leaving," Ushijima said.

As he started jogging across the street, Hinata's setter shouted, "We came from Karasuno!" Ushijima slowed as he reached the middle of the street. There weren't any cars coming so he didn't see a point in not listening to what he had to say. "Would you mind if we did some recon at Shiratorizawa?"

He heard Hinata let out a squeak, something surprised and caught off guard.

If Hinata and his setter came to Karasuno there would be a little more time for Ushijima to ask Hinata a question, to work up the courage to do something.

"Karasuno...the team that uses that weird quick attack?" Ushijima mused, glancing back at the two of them. He mostly wanted the opportunity to work up the nerve to talk to Hinata and there wasn't a very high chance that any volleyball would get played, but the prospect of seeing Hinata and his setter do their quick was an added plus. They both jumped a bit, as if they hadn't been expecting him to know about their quick. "Do as you like. No matter what your abilities may be, we won't get weaker just because you watched us.

He thought about his childhood. He thought about running around the playground with Hinata, restraining himself and purposefully shortening his strides so Hinata would stand a chance during games of tag. He said, "I'm heading back to school now. If you want to look, follow me. If you can keep up."

"Of course we're going," Hinata's setter said, sounding defensive and competitive. "We're going to defeat you at the spring tournament. Of course we'll watch."

"Yeah," Hinata agreed. Ushijima hadn't realized it earlier since Hinata had been shouting, but now he could tell that Hinata's voice had deepened a bit in the past year. He didn't sound so creaky and awkward anymore. He turned, looking over his shoulder to see Hinata stretching. If his eyes got a little struck on Hinata's thighs and the strip of skin that was shown off as his shorts rode off... well... that hadn't been his intention. "Are you out doing roadwork by yourself?"

"Everyone else is just slow," Ushijima answered. It was such a simple conversation and it didn't mean anything, but it still had Ushijima feeling like he was on cloud nine. He'd spent his entire childhood with Hinata, talking about anything and everything under the sun, and it'd been so long since they'd had any kind of conversation. "They're back there somewhere."

Ushijima didn't wait for a reply before he started jogging again. The light was going to go red again if they waited too much longer.

He heard footsteps following him.

Then Hinata squeaking before shouting, "Kageyama! Don't you dare get a head start!"

Ushijima felt ridiculous for getting jealous about it and wishing it was him Hinata was calling for.

 

  
 **eleven.** does sorry make a different? (yes)  
Finished with his stretching, Ushijima swung himself up into a sitting position.

He could feel Tendou's eyes on him as he pushed himself up to his feet, but he didn't say anything.

He crossed the gym, ducking under the net and heading towards the two boys standing near the scoreboard.

As he grew closer to them, he heard Hinata saying, "Ushijima was so damn cool."

He'd be lying if he said that didn't make him a little proud that Hinata had thought he was cool during their match. He couldn't remember ever caring that someone on another team liked him, he'd certainly never cared what Oikawa or Iwaizumi thought about him after they played, but this wasn't just another opponent. This was _Shouyou_  and he meant something to Ushijima that no other person ever would.

"Hinata Shouyou and Kageyama Tobio of the concrete," Ushijima said, before the two of them could get talking about something else. They turned, looking at him with surprise written all over their faces. When he spoke, it was with all of the frustration he felt over the loss in his voice, "I'll defeat you next time."

Both of them tensed up, shoulders raising.

Ushijima didn't think they'd developed similar mannerisms as a result of spending so much time together since he and Hinata had been attached at the hip for a decade without that happening to this extent. So, he wondered how it was that Hinata had come to know someone that was so similar to himself.

After a moment, Hinata stepped forward, insisting, "I'll make sure I'll be able to stand on the same level as you!"

Ushijima wasn't sure how exactly the words were meant to be taken, but he hoped there was a message there about Hinata wanting to be at his side and stand on the same level as him off the court as well.

Kageyama stepped forward, putting a hand across Hinata's chest and pushing him back a bit, "I'll make you say that I'm better than Oikawa!"

Ushijima thought about walking away then, leaving the conversation there. But he thought about how he didn't tend to just bump into Hinata. They'd gone a full year without bumping into each other and the one time they had seen each other outside of volleyball had been a complete coincidence.

So instead of walking away, he said, "Shouyou."

Shouyou looked a little surprised, but after a moment a small smile settled on his lips. "Toshi."

Ushijima wasn't sure whether it was the fact that Hinata was smiling at him, looking pleased rather than angry or upset, or the usage of a nickname that had so many happy memories attached to it, but when he opened his mouth words spilled out, "“I regret it all. I really do, I swear. Please, please– let’s fix this." When Hinata didn't seem to react, he added, tone bordering on desperation, " _Please_."

Stuck between the two of them, Kageyama looked more confused than any other person Wakatoshi had met in his life. He drew his arm away from Shouyou, looking like despite his confusion he knew that there was something going on that he didn't want to interrupt.

"Toshi," Hinata said at last, his smile growing softer. "There's nothing to fix." Before Ushijima could panic, Hinata continued, "It's been a long time, Toshi. We both said some really rude things, but I'm not I'm not upset with you about any of it anymore. I haven't been for a while."

Ushijima asked, "Then why didn't you call me?"

"You were the one that was angry first," Hinata pointed out. "I didn't know if you were over it. I was waiting for you to call me."

Ushijima was quiet for a moment, a little unsure what to say. He'd said such terrible things to Hinata that he'd assumed Hinata hated him, that he'd have to wait until Hinata forgave him before they spoke again. It'd never occurred to him that Hinata was waiting for him to reach out first.

Before he could say anything, one of Hinata's teammates called out, "Hinata! Kageyama! Come here!"

Hinata looked over his shoulder, as if checking who had spoken, before looking back at Ushijima, "That's Sugawara, so I've got to go."

"Okay," Ushijima said, nodding a bit.

There was a moment where the two of them just stared at each other, neither one willing to leave first.

Then Hinata darted forward, pressing his lips against Ushijima's cheek quickly.

When he pulled away, he said, "My number hasn't changed, okay?"

"Hinata! Kageyama!" someone else shouted. Ushijima thought it might have been their captain, vaguely remembering the voice from the shouts that had filled the gym during the game. "Come on."

Hinata gave Ushijima one last smile before jogging towards his captains.

As they left, he heard Kageyama ask, "What the _hell_  was that?"

"It's nothing weird," Hinata said, shrugging a bit. "It's just 'Toshi."

"You really think that's an explanation? How much of an idiot are you?"

  
 **twelve.** we can't turn back time, but these are good days  
"Shouyou," Ushijima said, catching Hinata's attention.

Hinata had been walking towards the gym with his teammates. He was walking with Kageyama and Karasuno's small blonde manager. Since they'd started talking again, Ushijima had learned that the girl's name was Yachi. Hinata considered her one of his best friends, right along with Kageyama and a boy named Kenma from Nekoma, and she was single-handedly responsible for keeping Hinata's English scores good enough for him to participate.

"Toshi!" Hinata said. He'd been smiling as he spoke to his friends, but now his grin widened. He broke away from the group, jogging to the area where Ushijima was waiting for him. Ushijima saw Hinata's captain watching them for a moment, a considering look in his eyes, before he turned his attention back to the blonde walking next to him. "What are you doing here?"

"I came to watch," Ushijima said.

"Don't you have studying to do? You have entrance exams soon."

"I'm not participating in club activities anymore," Ushijima said, shrugging a bit. "I can use that time to study instead."

Hinata hummed a bit, his smile growing even wider. Ushijima had always liked Hinata's smile, nothing had made him happier as a child than being the reason for it. He liked being the reason for Hinata's smiles even more now. "Did you take time off of studying just to come watch me play?"

Ushijima hummed. He didn't really think he needed to respond beyond that.

There was no reason for him to be at Nationals this year. There wasn't anyone from the other prefectures that he felt that strongly about seeing. There were even a few people that he was actively trying to avoid. Fukurodani's over-excitable ace was far too upset about just missing out on being one of the top three spikers in the country and he kept trying to challenge Ushijima. Last time Ushijima had seen him, there hadn't been anyone on the team that knew how to reign him in and Ushijima had spent far more time than he wanted trying to get him to leave him alone.

Hinata didn't need a response.

"Thank you," Hinata said. "You didn't have to come."

"You came to my games."

"Not since we were children," Hinata answered.

Ushijima shrugged a bit. "You didn't like volleyball when we were younger."

Hinata laughed. "That's true. I didn't understand why you liked it so much."

"And now you're about to play at Nationals."

"I've changed."

"Not too much," Ushijima said. He reached out, putting his hand on Hinata's hair. "You're a little taller than you were back then though."

Hinata puffed his cheeks out unhappily. "I'm more than a little bit taller, Toshi."

Ushijima felt a small smile settle on his lips.

Over the top of Hinata's head, he saw Karasuno's captain was looking over at them again.

"I think your team wants you to go back," Ushijima said. Hinata hummed a bit, but didn't move immediately. The fact that Hinata didn't seem terribly eager to leave him had something warm rushing through Ushijima's chest. He moved the hand he'd set in Hinata's hair, ruffling it, before pulling back. "Go. Good luck."

"Okay," Hinata said. He walked backwards towards his team, adding, "Make sure you watch me okay?"

"I will," Ushijima promised.

It was an easy promise to make.

He'd been watching Hinata since they were children and he had every intention of continuing to watch over him for the rest of their lives.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1) I've chosen to write Ushijima's mother as someone very supportive, but given that his family seems fairly traditional and old school (from what little we've seen of them) I'm a little unsure if this is anywhere near correct. At the same time, she did marry someone who was playing professional volleyball at one point soooo....
> 
> 2) Part four takes place right before and then over the course of season one. Part five takes place over seasons two and three. 
> 
> 3) Honestly, I love Oikawa but I will die before I stop trashing him. That nine. was far too much fun to write for that reason.
> 
> 4) Maybe there wasn't enough of a climax? But honestly, Kageyama aside I don't really see Hinata as a person to hold a grudge? He's just so sunshine-y?? Tsukishima was terrible to him and he's still like...unaffected most of the time. It's mostly Kageyama with the problem. 
> 
> 5) I don't know if that ending is satisfying to you guys....but I like it? There's this idea that their going to reconcile, but they aren't quite back where they were yet. They'll get there though, but in their own time.

**Author's Note:**

> 1) Hello everyone!! I hope you enjoyed this. This pairing is one of my favorite Hinata pairings and there's not nearly enough fic for it >.< I wanted to write something bigger than this, but in the end, this what worked. I'd love to write more though so feel free to direct UshiHina prompts to my [Tumblr!](http://thepackwantsthed.tumblr.com/)
> 
> 2) Also, all of this was started by number six on [this](http://thepackwantsthed.tumblr.com/post/150075031115/secretly-we-all-love-angst-sentence-starters) angst starter post but that won't come up until part two. 
> 
> 3) In case it wasn't clear, there's about two years between each piece in "part one," about a year between each piece in "part two."
> 
> 4) There's not very much happening in part one, but I really just wanted to write some cute little scenes with them as children?
> 
> 5) Is Ushijima too out of character in this? I didn't think he was when I wrote it, but looking over it I got a little worried.


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